My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
