I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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