Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
