I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize