I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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