I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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