I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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