And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
