Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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