i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
vagina is talking i cant
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We need a shit load of segways right now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
