Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I understand Curling. That high.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
