How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
