Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
