Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize