butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
