Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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