I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
