I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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