DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
