Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
PANTIES FOUND
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
