But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
