I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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