I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
