We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
