Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All the doctor said was why
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
