guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
