I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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