I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
