Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's blow job season.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
