No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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