what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize