I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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