I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
