I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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