I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize