chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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