The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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