she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
