i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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