It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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