explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize