I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
420 ftw
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize