my phone cant type all the emotion im having
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
