i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
