So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize