Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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