remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
