Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize