well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
