it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
