oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
