I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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