Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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