someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
