I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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