Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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