I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
