the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
