Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
