Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
