She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
