he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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