i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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