I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
