I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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