I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
