Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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