hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
