Porn is love you can see.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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