The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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