Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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