if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
