guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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