you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
