Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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