i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
