I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
