how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize