he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
