I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize