Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
