I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
