Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
