You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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