He asked to "fluff my boner.."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
